This week’s Champ and Chump feature is dedicated entirely to the madness that was Super Bowl XLII. I might just call it the SUPER CHAMP AND CHUMP OF THE WEEK! We’ve got players who were super classy, coaches who were super jerks, and talking heads that need to keep their super-big mouths shut. Let’s get to it.
This week’s Champ is no contest. Critics, including former teammates, had been riding him in the preseason. Many had questioned his ability to lead and make the big plays. A few times this NFL season, we wondered if there was a mix up in the hospital; no way could this be Archie’s son and Peyton’s brother. A self proclaimed mama’s boy and proud of it, Eli Manning is the Champ of the Week. He stayed cool under pressure, ignored the critics, and didn’t go on vacation to Cabo during the playoffs. After Tom Brady led his team down the field for a score late in the fourth quarter, Eli turned the tables on him and regained the lead. Somehow, the youngest Manning managed to escape the entire Patriots’ defensive line (and, oh what a defensive line!) to complete a catch that I’m still not entirely sure didn’t defy the laws of physics. Now that the season is over, he can go back to antiquing with his mom.
Although he was named MVP of Super Bowl XLII, I’m pretty sure Eli is stoked beyond belief to be named my Champ of the Week. This leaves Cooper as the only Manning son without a ring and a Super Bowl MVP trophy. Think about it. One family has produced back-to-back Super Bowl champions and MVP’s. I used to be afraid that the children of supermodels sired by Tom Brady would replace the human race. What we’ve really got to watch out for are the Mannings. When the Manning boys start assembling their forces (Cooper’s still got the football genes!), it’s every man and woman for themselves.
Bill Belichick is super cold, super smart, super evil, and now my Super Chump of the Week. I’ve been waiting for this all season. The strikes against the Mutilator of Hooded Sweatshirts have been adding up ever since Spygate broke. He ran up the score, was cold as ice during postgame handshakes… Now we hear that the Pats may have filmed the Rams before Super Bowl XXXVI (bonus points if you can tell me which one that is in Arabic numerals…yes, those are the kind we use). ON TOP OF ALL THAT, Belijerk showed ZERO class in the waning moments of the big game. When it was clear that a Giants victory was at hand and both teams and coaching staffs were on the field, Belichick, looking like the Kool-Aid man in his newly cutoff red hoodie, brusquely shook hands with Tom Coughlin and abruptly left the field. Okay, but too bad the GAME WASN’T OVER YET! Not only was it disrespectful to the other team, but Belichick abandoned his own defensive squad with one play remaining. All year, Patriots victory after Patriots victory, the opposing teams and coaches remained on the sidelines even when there was no chance for victory. Belichick may be a football genius, but he needs some lessons in decency.
Tom Brady, you may have escaped unscathed from the media when you left your pregnant supermodel girlfriend for another supermodel, but you will not get away with this. Yeah, I saw you the entire game: yelling at your teammates, blaming them, when I didn’t see you playing a miraculous game or putting it all on the line. Maybe when you are giving %110 and the other guys are clearly slacking, then you can say something to them. Until then, keep that eye-rolling to yourself. Don’t think I didn’t see you slinking off the field after Bill Belisecondplace. Way to see your team through the game and the season to the end. Way to support the guys on the other side of the ball who gave it their all the entire season, just like you supposedly did.
Honorable mention for Chump of the Week goes to Tiki Barber. Let this be a lesson to you, kids. Whenever someone is talking trash about you and your game, don’t respond. Just keep your head down, keep working, and win a Super Bowl ring and MVP award. Eli gets the ring and Tiki doesn’t. Maybe we do live in a just world after all.
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