Welcome back, fellow Fanatics, to an exciting second semester! Sadly, Butt Chin Brady and the Patriots are heading to the Super Bowl to face off against the other Manning and the Giants. The G-Men, who recently arrived in Scottsdale, AZ, for the big show, have been affected by a nasty case of the flu going around. Looks like they didn’t listen to mama and wash their hands! Could this be Bill Belichick’s attempt at the use of biological weapons? I wouldn’t put anything past that man. He’s an evil genius.
I’ve added a new portion to this column. Although the ridiculous antics of our sports heroes make for some very interesting material, it’s also important to salute the athletes and coaches who do things right.
As much as I despise the Patriots, I have to give the Champ of the Week Award to LB Tedy Bruschi for playing in his fifth Super Bowl just three years after suffering a stroke. Not only is that an awesome superhuman feat in itself, but Bruschi has also served as an inspiration to stroke victims. His organization “Tedy’s Team” aids stroke victims and raises awareness across the country. Bruschi went from being unsure he would ever play again to leading the team in tackles for the second season in a row. It would be cool with me if he sacked Eli Manning a few times this Sunday.
Owen Schmitt of WVU gets an honorable mention this week. The fullback for the Mountaineers started his career in DIII and walked on at West Virginia. He became a starter in 2005. This guys hits like most linebackers do. This season alone he broke 10 of his facemasks. Looks like someone’s been watching his Tim Tebow game tape. His speed is impressive (he ran for a 57 yard TD in the Fiesta Bowl) and makes him a very versatile player. After an impressive showing for the North in the Senior Bowl, it’s clear that Schmitt could definitely go places…if only he would lose that mohawk.
This week’s Chump designation is a little less clear. We have both the Super Bowl and National Signing Day approaching quickly. The sports page has basically become a freak parade. College coaches are going absolutely nuts over WR Julio Jones. Jared Foster, a QB who was supposed to sign with Ole Miss, was arrested and charged with selling steroids. All comments from head coach Houston “Yeehawgiggity” Nutt were unintelligible.
Ah, Media Day. The one day a year when almost any question posed to Super Bowl players is fair game. This year was no exception. Tom “The Supermodel Slayer” Brady received a marriage proposal from a “reporter” from the Spanish language channel TV Azteca. Since when did the Super Bowl become a telenovela? For the record, Brady said no. The “reporter,” one Ines Gomez Mont, was also rejected by Giants QB Eli Manning.
Brady was asked, “What is your purpose in life? Why are you behind that podium?” Answer: “I just throw a football. I do it good enough to get a podium.” Aside from the use of “good” instead of “well,” it was a very cool, calculated answer. However, the King of Cold remains Bill Belichick. Question: “What message do you have for Spanish-speaking Patriots fans?” Answer: “I don’t speak Spanish. Not a word.” Ouch.
According to Giants WR Plaxico Burress, QB Eli Manning is quite the prankster. “My locker is right next to his. I gotta watch my stuff or he might put dye on it,” says Plexiglass. Oh, but Burress has a special method for getting back at his rascally QB. “I put grapes in his shoes.”
UVA Men’s Basketball gets a nod this week for being just like the football team in one respect. Recently, many games have gone into overtime or have come down to the last second. However, unlike the football team, the basketball team has lost all of these last second contests, including one especially bitter last-second-of-overtime loss to the hated Hokies of Virginia Tech. Come on, guys. If our teams are determined to wait until the last second of games, they should at least win so I can go home happy.
Speaking of UVA Football, I kind of want to question my whole existence after the events of the past couple of weeks. Four players, including our starting quarterback, are not enrolled in spring classes. Sophomore DE Jeffrey Fitzgerald is not returning to the team for undisclosed personal reasons. On top of all of this, defensive coordinator (and extremely competent coach) Mike London is leaving to be the head coach at his alma mater, the University of Richmond. Ten bucks says Fitzgerald goes to Richmond to play for Coach London. It kind of feels like the entire universe is crashing down around my head.
An Honorable Mention goes to Wake Forest QB Riley Skinner. We may not even have a QB right now, but at least there aren’t naked pictures of him on the Internet. Yes, that’s right ladies and gentlemen. It’s okay Riley. It will all blow over soon. Just grin and bare it. And, yes. That is what she said.
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