Welcome to the first OUTDOOR Champ and Chump of the Week! I’m bringing you this week’s candidates from my sunny spot on the Lawn. There’s a dark horse challenger for this week’s Chump: the guy who just nearly took my head off with a poorly-thrown lacrosse ball. Hey, buddy, work on your overhand technique! I can also see a few frat stars throwing a football around. I can throw a better spiral.
In the realm of non-Lawn sports, UVa was thrashed 19-9 by Duke on Saturday. Saturday was also the day of the annual Spring Football EXTRAVAGANZA! I’m pretty sure a lot of people are asking the same question: Where has Scott Deke been hiding for the past 4 years? I was impressed with the redshirt senior’s performance and I am slightly confused as to why he has been languishing at the bottom of the depth chart.
A certain bumblebee has taken quite an interest in my pink towel. It’s not a flower, idiot. This week’s column is now the first MOBILE Champ and Chump of the Week, as I am trying to escape this bee. Tiger Woods is having surgery on his knee and is projected to be out for four weeks. Sources say that his knee did not affect his performance at the Masters, but it obviously was bothering him enough to get the arthroscopic surgery.
The Champ of the Week is consistently harder to find than the Chump. It seems like sports is determined to make news of the stupid variety. Nevertheless, Champ of the Week goes to UNC’s Tyler Hansbrough who survived being punched in the face by Duke’s Gerald Henderson last year to sweep all the major NCAA Basketball Awards this time around. I can only hope that Coach Krydhjkwlkjeh1jkjsv is seething down the road at Psycho T’s success (that and the loss of one of his prized McDonald’s All-Americans).
Does Ryan Perrilloux = Britney Spears?
Does Ryan Perrilloux = Britney Spears? 
The LSU student paper certainly thinks so...
This week’s Chump of the Week, along with this guy who just dropped a hail-Mary pass and lost the pickup football game on the lawn, is 49ers QB Alex Smith. I’m sure you all remember our good friend Matt Leinart, getting cozy and drunk with some college ladies. It seems as if Mr. Smith is determined to out-do him. From going crazy south of the border, to pardoning the sins of a college co-ed, Alex Smith is our Chump/ Party Animal of the Week. You never see the Manning brothers pulling stunts like this. Eli is too busy antiquing with his mom.
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